Living in the Time Zone

I think we all deeply yearn for connection.

We want to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. The problem is, we also want the freedom of having absolutely nobody telling us what to do with our lives. We don’t want to be on anybody else’s timetable. We don’t want anybody else to use what we’ve carefully rationed away for ourselves. We don’t want to share because we see sharing as giving something of ourselves away.

The thing is, when we are able to share we actually gain more than we lose.

Today our manager told us how his supervisor described muzungu time in comparison to African time. Muzungus, he said, run their lives according to time and Africans, in contrast, run their lives according to relationships. He continued to say that both are beneficial, and we should learn from each other.

The thing is, when you put like it’s relationships versus time, I think most of like to think that we do put relationships first. We, or at least I, get slightly offended. I think I get offended because it’s true. In some ways North American’s value relationships by valuing time. When we are on time to a meeting we show that we value the people who are at the meeting and when we’re on time to a date, we show that we value our date. However, I also think that we’re not all that good at valuing relationships. If I value people so much why do I have such a hard time with sharing? Why do I have a difficult time adjusting to Ugandan time?

I want to learn to value relationships more. The deep connection we all yearn for isn’t going to be filled if we keep walking down the path we’re headed down. I’m talking about at home in North America but also about my time here.

It’s been really hard to connect with people and to make friends and I think, partly, it’s due to the fact that I do often view time, my own comfort, and my own ideas as more important than relationships. Thankfully I’ve got five more months to work on this, to learn more about putting relationships first and to learn more about befriending Ugandans.… though skipping the friendship stage and jumping straight into marriage is apparently a fairly viable option ;).

The Joy of Knowing

We are so intricately made that we don’t even know ourselves. How mind-boggling is that? We blink and suddenly we’ve changed… yet somehow we convince ourselves that we know and understand each other. That we know all there is to know about the friend we’ve known for three months or a year… or at least all that is worth knowing. Man. There are so many layers to every person I’ve ever met. How can I continue being content knowing people for four months and then moving on?

I want to settle into one place. One set of people. I want to spend years and years, the rest of my life really, focusing on knowing one set of people. And I don’t just want to know. I want to love. I don’t want to back away when I figure out that you’re not perfect. I want to embrace that imperfection because it is exactly the same imperfection I see in myself. We’re all walking around missing the mark and we’re all covering it up. I want to be with people who know my depravity. I want to live into the truth that I am corrupt, not because I want to be more corrupt but because I don’t think that corruption can be escaped until I admit it and I don’t think admitting it to myself carries nearly as much weight as allowing other people into my life to see me for who I really am.

I wasn’t made to run to God alone. I can sometimes convince myself that my relationship with God was meant to be a ‘me and God strolling through a quiet meadow’ type relationship. Then I mess up. And God uses someone else to turn me back in the right direction. God uses my friends, my acquaintances, my professors, even strangers to turn me around- to fill me up with hope. Only when I enter into the stampede of people running towards God do I ever seem to experience meadow-moments. I want this shared experience to be deepened by time. We are dreadfully wicked and delightfully liberated by the same God. With this knowledge, why would we not want to strive for greater knowledge of who we are- together? Simply put- let us endeavor to be friends.