"I want to settle into one place. One set of people. I want to spend years and years, the rest of my life really, focusing on knowing one set of people. And I don’t just want to know. I want to love. I don’t want to back away when I figure out that you’re not perfect. I want to embrace that imperfection because it is exactly the same imperfection I see in myself. We’re all walking around missing the mark and we’re all covering it up. I want to be with people who know my depravity. I want to live into the truth that I am corrupt, not because I want to be more corrupt but because I don’t think that corruption can be escaped until I admit it and I don’t think admitting it to myself carries nearly as much weight as allowing other people into my life to see me for who I really am."
Approximately 19 months have gone by since I wrote those words. I am just now settling down. Since I wrote those words I have to admit that I have become jaded. I've seen people come and go through my life, and, once again, I've been the person doing the coming and going.
I'm finally settling down but now I'm afraid of this thing most people seem to do so easily. I'm afraid of getting to know people without the easy escape of moving away. I'm afraid that even in one place the duration of my friendships will continue to be brief. When you move around constantly you never really have to deal with many of the realities of friendship. If you have a disagreement you can just suck it up and move. When you move constantly you rarely have to deal with patching your friendships back together. What will happen when I have to face the reality of allowing people to fully know my own depravity? What will happen when I come to know other people's depravity?
Can you understand why I might be afraid?
