Time Travel

It is such a blessing to be able to look back on the past couple years of my life and experience joy in just thinking about the people I’ve met and the things I’ve experienced. I’ve heard you’re supposed to live in the present… but sometimes the present just isn’t very exciting. This evening I found myself looking back over my tweets from the past year and reliving many a wonderful day. I know that judge myself for feeling the urge to tweet whenever I’m having a good day but the truth is those 140 characters seem to be worth 1,000 words. I’ve done the whole 1,000 words thing… but it’s pretty unlikely that I’m going to casually read through all a 1000 word journal entry without being bogged down.

I think I started writing this because I wanted to try to capture the joy of reminiscing. On December 10, 2013 as I was saying goodbye to the many wonderful friends I met in Uganda I remember telling one of my friends that I was afraid I would forget everything I had experienced and everything I had learned. Her simple response was this, “you’ll remember what you need to remember.” She was right. I don’t think about my semester in Uganda every day. I don’t think about my summers Johnston Canyon everyday. I don’t think about any one experience I’ve had every day, but every once in awhile I get to suddenly indulge in a memory.

A smell, a message, a picture, a texture, or 140 characters can suddenly pull me back to a specific moment in time, and then, for a short little while I have the incredible joy of reliving that moment. The rush of emotions plays a trick on me and I am quietly transported to what seems like another lifetime.

And then, just as quietly, I am transported back to the present- but I don’t travel back empty handed for a carry with me the reminder that I have been shaped by my past joys and sorrows and they are a part of everyday. I will remember what I need to remember, but even what I do not remember is a part of who I am. 

Intentionality.

The last time I posted anything on here was a month ago. That means I have been home for two months now. Why do I constantly try to attach the happenings of my life to certain periods of calendar time? Maybe I should strive to worry less about days and months and worry more about the changes/improvements that occur within those periods of time.

I am so thankful for the time I have had here to live in a rhythm. Working, sleeping, eating are slowly beginning to meld together into a simple and beautiful pattern. It's nice to wake up without an alarm. It's nice to head out on a run and simply go where my feet lead because I know that wherever I end up will never be so far from home that I can't find my way back. It's nice to be able to count on eight hours of sleep almost every night. It's nice to go to church every Sunday and see people I know and love seeing.   It's nice to be able to just go with the flow. 

When I'm traveling, or in any new place, that isn't an option. I'm starting to miss the rapids- the times when going with the flow is not an option because there simply is not an apparent flow. Don't get me wrong, I love the ease of going with the flow, but I also know that with familiar territory comes stagnancy. Yes. That's actually a word and yes it fits my situation exactly. I have the feeling that my growth has been stunted. Like an awkward 15 year old boy who grew a foot in a month except then suddenly found himself in a state of malnourishment. I can look back on what I learned while I was in Uganda and Europe and practically wrap it up in a package but find it very hard to point out things I have learned in the past two months.

Growth at home requires an exhausting amount of intentionality. Traveling is exhausting but it forces growth because there isn't another option. It's pretty much either growth and exhaustion or failure. At home growth it is easy to avoid. I don't enjoy the feeling of exhaustion that seems to so often be paired with growth and at home I have the option to avoid that exhaustion.

Basically... having to be intentional is lame.

I don't like it.

But it's good for me.

Therefore I now embark on a wonderful journey of intentionality.

Intentionally learning more about God.
Intentionally becoming a better friend.
Intentionally learning more about how the world works (aka the stuff I hope one day might be related to my career).

Intentional: deliberate, calculated, conscious, intended, planned, willful, studied, purposeful, premeditated, preplanned, preconceived.

Sounds fun. NOT.

Oh the difficulty of wanting to grow.