Job-hunting is like being told, go ahead,
boast about yourself, dig deep inside and write a list of everything anyone
might possibly want to know about you. Yeah, and then give that list to
everyone.
Don’t worry, the results wont be too bad.
So you wrack your brain to come up
with something good about yourself.
At the top of the paper you write about how
much you LOVE teamwork. This is the part where you brag about great you are at
being a team player. Doesn’t everyone know that 90% of the time the people who
love teamwork are actually the people who are abhorred by their partners?
Next you mentions something about how your
incredible life experiences have changed you… but, most likely, your birthdate
is somewhere on your resume and we all know no boss is going to believe that
before the age of twenty you have experiences as much as you claim to
experience.
Then there’s the section about your
interests… but your applying for a job as a cashier at a grocery store. It’s
pretty unlikely that your interest in travel and photography are really going
to be useful. You go ahead and write all about your interests anyways… somehow
this ends up taking most of the space, successfully proving that you have no
legitimate work experiences… but you have spent a lot of time reading about
travel and photography on the internet.
You resume is ready. You’re pretty proud of
it. You feel like it represents who you are and you’ve masked the boasting
fairly well.
So you stride out into the world with your
brand new resume ready to hand it to everyone… from here two things happen.
1. They send you
back to the Internet. On the Internet you are expected to upload your resume. You upload your resume only to have
to have the website magically fill in maybe 4
lines of the application and delete the rest.
2. The accept your
resume and you never hear from them again… not even the email that the website is at least nice enough to send.
Then suddenly, you get a job. Except the
person who hires you barely even glances at your resume before welcoming you to
their team.
All this to say, it’s nice to have a job…
even if all the agonizing over my resume had nothing to do with being offered
said job.
