The Job Hunter

Job-hunting is like being told, go ahead, boast about yourself, dig deep inside and write a list of everything anyone might possibly want to know about you. Yeah, and then give that list to everyone.

Don’t worry, the results wont be too bad.

So you wrack your brain to come up with something good about yourself.

At the top of the paper you write about how much you LOVE teamwork. This is the part where you brag about great you are at being a team player. Doesn’t everyone know that 90% of the time the people who love teamwork are actually the people who are abhorred by their partners?

Next you mentions something about how your incredible life experiences have changed you… but, most likely, your birthdate is somewhere on your resume and we all know no boss is going to believe that before the age of twenty you have experiences as much as you claim to experience.

Then there’s the section about your interests… but your applying for a job as a cashier at a grocery store. It’s pretty unlikely that your interest in travel and photography are really going to be useful. You go ahead and write all about your interests anyways… somehow this ends up taking most of the space, successfully proving that you have no legitimate work experiences… but you have spent a lot of time reading about travel and photography on the internet.

You resume is ready. You’re pretty proud of it. You feel like it represents who you are and you’ve masked the boasting fairly well.

So you stride out into the world with your brand new resume ready to hand it to everyone… from here two things happen.

1. They send you back to the Internet. On the Internet you are expected to upload your    resume. You upload your resume only to have to have the website magically fill in maybe 4 lines of the application and delete the rest.

2. The accept your resume and you never hear from them again… not even the email that the website is at least nice enough to send.

Then suddenly, you get a job. Except the person who hires you barely even glances at your resume before welcoming you to their team.

All this to say, it’s nice to have a job… even if all the agonizing over my resume had nothing to do with being offered said job.