Island Lyfe

I’ve spent one week on this island and already so much has changed. The island seems to have grown. What felt so small when we first landed and took a tour now feels much larger.

This place is filled with interesting people.

There’s Rachel. She’s my co-worker, travel buddy, support system and spider-killing extraordinaire. We finally had a chance to clean our house today. No-joke, we probably killed 70 spiders… and that’s after a week of killing spiders every single day. If you aren’t a spider-lover and ever need somebody to kill a spider for you, you can just give us a ring. There was also the cockroach I found on my toothbrush. That was a really fun moment… no, I did not brush my teeth that day.

There are our Uganda co-workers. They are excellent chefs and can whip up a large assortment of incredibly delicious crayfish (aka crawfish) dishes. After learning to love crawfish in Texas it’s pretty sweet to be in the one place in Uganda that has crawfish. Unfortunately I’ll be avoiding those for the next six months as they don’t seem to be quite as tame as the Texas variety. I would go into detail… but nobody wants that ;). The staff here are also incredible language teachers- even when I’m a terrible student. I think I’ve learned five phrases. I’ve got a long way to go till I’ll be fluent in Rukiga and a true Bakiga lady. Evas loves to tell us we’re already Bakiga ladies. I’ve got a long way to go till I’ll be able to claim that title for myself. They are also great tour guides- always willing to lend a helping hand and tell us about the history of this area, the island we’re on, and their own families and villages. Have you ever met somebody and very quickly known they were wise? Enos is the resident carpenter, maintenance man and bird expert. I can’t wait to hear more of his stories and take his bird tour. He has spotted over 80 types of birds just on this island.

There are the guests. It has only been one week and we’ve met diplomats, European tourists, and an American midwife and her family that are working only a couple hours away. We might visit them at some point as they also run a guest house and live near the mountain gorillas. It’s interesting to be in such a rural setting but to see so many people traveling through. I’m looking forward to meeting more people from all over the world!

I think all these interesting people are the reason the island seems to have grown. We aren’t as isolated here as we might have felt when we first arrived. There are so many stories to listen to and people to learn from. I should probably also mention that there’s plenty of work to do! This past week was fairly slow but we’ve already got a better idea of what we should be doing.

P.S. If you’re the letter writing type I would love to receive some love in the form of written words! You can send letters to Bushara Island Camp PO 794, Kabale, Uganda. They’ll only take about three months to reach me J

Photo Cred: Raquelle Dehaanee

Mixed Emotions

I start work this week.

Remember how you felt on your first day of work at your current job?

If you’re anything like me you were probably excited but also scared. You probably felt both negative and positive emotions as you prepared to step into your new position.

You might think that starting a job on an island on the third deepest lake in the world would be piece of cake but, believe it or not, it also carries both fear and excitement.

I’m scared that I might not meet people’s expectations. I’m scared that I don’t have the energy need to truly engage in cross-cultural relationships. I’m scared that I’m not mentally prepared for six months in this rural setting.

I’m excited to learn more about eco-tourism and to put my past experience to use. I’m excited to apply the things I learned throughout university. I’m excited to spend six months on this peaceful island. I’m excited to learn how to make local food and learn some of the local language. I'm excited by this opportunity to become a part of such a close-knit community.

In the words of a wise friend, “Don’t worry so much about where you’ll end up. You’ll get there eventually. And don’t be afraid to let the people in, even if it’s only a season – though our hearts break because they are in pieces around the world, they’re better off than not being there at all. Our hearts weren’t made for us to hold onto.”

Cold Showers

 The world is a huge place and I feel so honored by the opportunity to return to someplace so far away. We spent over 27 hours traveling and we’re not even at our final destination. Right now I’m just sitting here in awe of the fact that two days ago I was in Victoria, BC and now I’m half an hour from Lake Victoria. 

I had forgotten about so much of this country’s beauty.

Red dirt, vibrant green, birds squawking at 6am, cold showers.

I want to instantly remember everything I knew when I left this country two years ago but, unfortunately, my memory isn’t quite that good.

I’m going to have to spend the next couple months relearning basic phrases and remembering to slow down.

This stuff makes me feel so alive. Which is weird because it’s actually really exhausting. My brain can’t categorize the things I’m seeing, smelling, hearing, and feeling. It’s great…. But did I mention exhausting?

So here’s to six months of learning. Six months of new experiences. Six months of red dirt, vibrant green, birds squawking at 6am and cold showers.

The more you learn, the more you realize how little you know...

I don't know who first said that but I imagine people have been saying it, in some way or another, for thousands of years.

I'm currently the midst of a very intense briefing. By the end of this week we will have spent 8+ hours in the classroom every day for 12 consecutive days. So far we have talked about everything from flies embedding their larvae in your skin to the Sustainable Development Goals. We have discussed personal experiences, broad and somewhat theoretical methodologies, and we have participated in activities that helped me to realize how passionate I am about seeking justice. It has been incredible.

When you're not in an educational environment on a regular basis it is very easy to forget about learning. It's easy to forget how little you know. Most of all, for me, it's easy to forget that learning more is worthwhile.

I have to be honest. I tend towards laziness when it comes to learning. I learn what I need to learn when I need to learn it. I am not a keener. http://www.bbc.com/news/world is very rarely in my browser history. I might read slightly more than the average person my age... but that generally only happens when I don't have access to wifi. I like mindless youtube videos. I often mention that I should look things up (this happened at least three times today). I almost never actually research anything.

I tend to think that if I know enough to complete the basic tasks put in front me then I'm doing alright.

Well, this week has been a kind reminder that learning really is worthwhile. I don't want to be the person among my peers that has no idea what is happening in the world. I don't want to think the education is only about moving up in the world.

Learning is not a waste.

Back to Bunyonyi

As I write this I'm sitting on the ferry. I’ve just started what I can only assume will be one of the biggest adventures of my life so far. I’m headed to Victoria to begin 12 days of intensive training before I head to Uganda for six months. I have very little idea what the next six months will hold but I can’t wait to live them. I’m hoping that some of you will be able to experience a little of what I’m experiencing through reading this blog over the next couple months. 

I guess that means I should clarify what I’m actually going to be doing and where I'm going.

I am going to be interning with Victoria International Development Education Association (VIDEA) through one of their partner organizations, Lake Bunyonyi Development Company (LBDC).

LBDC was created to address the environmental impact of farming around Lake Bunyonyi in Uganda, near the border of Rwanda. I will be filling the position of Ecotourism Project Officer. I’ll be helping with planning and management of Bushara Island Camp- an environmentally sensitive community-based ecotourism project.

My role there will involve providing tours to visitors, developing promotional materials, providing training to local students who are studying hospitality, helping to develop workshops in sustainable development and resource management, conducting HIV/AIDS workshops, and working as an ambassador for VIDEA.

While I’m there I’ll be sponsored by Global Affairs Canada through the international youth internship program.

I’ll be living on a small island on one of the deepest lakes in Africa and I’ve got a slackline and inner tube in my suitcase so have no fear… there are blogs coming that won’t be quite this monotonous.

2015 in Review

I love December 31st.

I think some people love the coming of the new year because it provides an opportunity for a new beginning. I, personally, am a fan of this holiday because it allows me to engage in one of my favorite activities. It allows me to reminisce till my heart is full and my mind is whirring away with excitement about the things I have experienced.

2015 was an incredible year.

I began 2015 holding a month old baby and watching the Texas-style fireworks. I was surrounded by people who I had known for longer than anybody else in my life (excluding family). It was a beautiful night.

Six days later I flew to Ottawa, Ontario where I experienced a real winter for the first time. Okay, technically I had experienced winter before... but since my childhood memories are fairly romanticized it's safe to say that this was the first time really I experienced a cold that took my breath away and froze my eyelashes. I remember this day so clearly. I remember lugging my suitcase up the grand staircase into a room with a view of a beautiful brick apartment building. I still secretly hope to call that building home one day. I remember the first dinner that was shared with people who would quickly become close friends. I remember receiving advice that day that I promptly ignored.

The majority of the first four months of 2015 were spent in that mansion of a home. Shared meals, game nights, classes, dance parties, paper writing sessions, conversations of political nature and so many shenanigans. When we weren't at home we were skating on the canal, eating beavertails, and, of course, diligently completing our internships.

My time in Ottawa ended with what just might have been the most ridiculous trip of my life.
Two overnight greyhound rides that gave us less than 48 hours in New York. Shoutout to Sarah and Julia for agreeing to such a ridiculous plan. There was that one time we all took our shoes off and a taxi driver/ice cream vender took our photo. Or that time we accidentally got into The Met for free. Or the time we paid almost nothing for our hotel room but still ended up in a hotel with a live band in the lobby. Also, there was that one breakfast sandwich I still haven't forgotten... and those terrible pretzels. And that time a tree in Central Park almost killed Sarah. So much hilarity.

We returned to Ottawa with less than a week left before we all parted ways so I'll skip to my last night. There were only five of us left but it ended up being an incredible night. The contents of that evening should, for legal purposes, probably not be written but I can say that there were cigars, hidden nooks, a few mattresses, and the color gold involved in our celebration.

After Ottawa I returned to B.C. where I spent the rest of 2015 (other than two trips to Colorado and Christmas in Texas.) A couple weeks after coming home I graduated from Trinity Western and quickly settled into daily life. It turns out life after graduation isn't quite as glamorous as you might expect. Thankfully, between working two jobs, attempting to be a mature adult, and looking for better jobs there was still a bit of time for hiking.

I went on my first couple overnight hikes in 2015 and learned that overnight hikes are pretty much the best way to spend time. They are the best way to see back-to-back sunrises and sunsets and they can make pretty much any food into a delicious meal. Hiking was one of the reasons I chose to stay in BC after graduation. I'm so thankful I stayed.

Other than the hiking the summer wasn't just a breeze. There was tough relationship stuff going on in my life, I had yet to make friends in BC, and I was working a bum job. Thankfully, looking back I can see how much I learned about God, about life, and about myself through those rough couple months. Thanks to awesome roommates, trinity acquaintances who became friends, and connecting with people at church things started to look up.

I desperately needed community and as fall moved in I witnessed that community begin to form around me. It is beautiful to see your life move from being empty to overflowing with things to do and people to see. In September I was spending about one night per week with friends, by early November I was occupied almost every evening. As a semi-extroverted person it was a pretty great change.

Then, just as I was settling in I was offered a paid internship that I couldn't pass up. On November 13th I officially accepted the position and just a few days later I received notification that they had booked my flights. It has been an incredible journey so far and I haven't even left the country. I blogged awhile ago about how I was lacking passion. Preparing for this trip has reminded me that I studied International Development for a reason- I am passionate about Development. In preparation for the internship I've had to do some required reading. As I finished up that reading this morning I realized that I actually love reading about Development. I love learning about practical ways we can change the world and have a positive impact on others. I was reminded that even though this stuff sometimes gets buried under political jargon it is actually incredible how small actions have the ability to reduce poverty and improve people's lives.

In writing this blog I have realized that my experiences in 2015 have fueled me up for 2016. I am realizing that these experiences, though beautiful on their own, are also building towards something else.

They are part of a greater story. This is story that doesn't end just because the calendar year ends.

Stay tuned for the next chapter.

Growing Up (Part 2)

 I have sat here for three months living a highly mediocre and unfulfilling life and simultaneously almost lying about it to my boss because of the love of money and the love of stability. I am afraid to branch out, to travel, so take career risks because of my love of financial security. I am not even making a lot of money and yet I am already afraid to risk moving, afraid to risk giving up this job, afraid to pay the price of finding something that is more fulfilling.

So, when I was essentially forced to quit just so that I could take five days off at Christmas to spend time with my family and meet my newborn nephew I actually breathed a sigh of relief. I was thankful that I love my family more than I love the security of this sad little job, thankful that the jaws of financial security have not fully clamped down on me quite yet. Thankful that I could still see an escape.

But, I lost my job, and so the fear is slowly creeping in... but this fear is not yet nearly as great as the relief of realizing that my days of being confined to this sad little office for four days a week are numbered.

Debt is a reality and a very real burden, not one that should be taken lightly, but when trying to escape debt prevents me from seeing, understanding, and experiencing the beauty of this vast world it is definitely time to take a priority check.

I never want paying off my debt to be my only priority. It will be a priority until I have paid it off... but it is not and should never be my only priority.

Growing Up (Part 1)

While I was a student I remember hearing rumors that those people who make it through to graduation eventually miss writing papers and want to come back. I honestly didn't think I would ever fit into that category... but now I sit at a desk four days a week and I dream about the freedom I had as a student. I even sometimes consider going to grad school *gasp* because more school sounds better than continuing with the route I'm on now.

To be honest, I'm embarrassed.

I remember hearing about jobs when I was a student and thinking, maybe that will be me one day. As an international studies major my fellow students were all extremely passionate people. So passionate, in fact, that for four years I essentially skimmed off their extra passion and managed to convince myself that I was also passionate about building wells in #Africa, making positive changes in public policy, and staying up to date with world news.

Then I graduated. I left school. I left those acquaintances and many of those friends behind. And I lost my passion.

Well. More accurately, I lost their passion.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like people are attracted to passion in other people. We all want to be a part of something important and passionate people give us the opportunity to engage with things that matter. I'm looking for friends who are passionate but I'm not the only one looking for passion... people are looking for passionate employees... so how do I gain the passion they're looking for?

My identity used to be student and then suddenly it was graduate and then it was passionless office administrator and almost seven months later I'm finally realizing that, in a way, I get to choose my own identity... my own passions.

I have been formed by my past experiences, but my family and by my friends, my travels and my education and now I'm in the position to choose what will form my identity.

I suddenly have free time and I get to choose what to do with that time... my identity does not have to be passionless bookkeeper because my identity is formed by so much more than the desk I sit in for eight hours a day four days a week. It's formed by the choices I make twenty four hours a day, by whether I choose to look for other jobs, engage in new friendships, spend time with my roommates, study Spanish, or read the news.

Throughout our lives our identities change... it's time to embrace that fact and make the most of different seasons we find ourselves in right now. The choices we make now will dictate the next seasons of our identities. We can't choose what we will be passionate about but we can create a lifestyle that pushes us towards passion and into the relationships that used to give us passion.

I now know that I am passionate about friendships and passionate about loving people. Therefore my passions will change as I learn what other people are looking for and what other people need and that is okay, in fact, that is good. 

On Settling Down

"I want to settle into one place. One set of people. I want to spend years and years, the rest of my life really, focusing on knowing one set of people. And I don’t just want to know. I want to love. I don’t want to back away when I figure out that you’re not perfect. I want to embrace that imperfection because it is exactly the same imperfection I see in myself. We’re all walking around missing the mark and we’re all covering it up. I want to be with people who know my depravity. I want to live into the truth that I am corrupt, not because I want to be more corrupt but because I don’t think that corruption can be escaped until I admit it and I don’t think admitting it to myself carries nearly as much weight as allowing other people into my life to see me for who I really am."

Approximately 19 months have gone by since I wrote those words. I am just now settling down. Since I wrote those words I have to admit that I have become jaded. I've seen people come and go through my life, and, once again, I've been the person doing the coming and going. 

I'm finally settling down but now I'm afraid of this thing most people seem to do so easily. I'm afraid of getting to know people without the easy escape of moving away. I'm afraid that even in one place the duration of my friendships will continue to be brief. When you move around constantly you never really have to deal with many of the realities of friendship. If you have a disagreement you can just suck it up and move. When you move constantly you rarely have to deal with patching your friendships back together. What will happen when I have to face the reality of allowing people to fully know my own depravity? What will happen when I come to know other people's depravity?

Can you understand why I might be afraid? 

Happy New Year!

The hardest thing I learned this year is that not every year is better than the previous year.

This year was, in many ways, pretty fantastic but it is really hard to see that when I compare it to 2013.

2013 was a truly incredible year. In 2013 I finished up my second semester at Trinity. That semester was and will be the best semester I had on campus at TWU. I loved the girls I was living with and academically I was learning things I really cared about and to top the semester off I was still pumped about college life. Then came the summer of 2013.  It was filled with hiking, ice cream, late night stargazing and friends from all over the world. On top of that I got to spend an awesome weekend in Colorado with my family to celebrate Charis' wedding. The fall semester of 2013 I was in Uganda. I seriously can't emphasize how incredible Uganda was... it was hard but it was great. I learned and grew and spent hours and hours just talking with some awesome people I'm thankful I can still call my friends. In other words, 2013 was a year spent in the presence of people I don't ever want to forget.

New Years Eve a year ago I boarded a plane headed for Europe (they really do give you champagne if you're on board over midnight on New Years!). And so I started my year in Rome and I didn't leave Europe until the beginning of March. It might seem ridiculous that I have anything to complain about, but honestly those two months were pretty brutal. Yeah, I got to see a bit of Italy, Spain, England, Austria, Hungary, Belgium, the Netherlands, and Turkey. Unfortunately, I was ready to be home and so though I did enjoy parts of the backpacking experience I also found it really lonely. In both Banff and Uganda I was experiencing life with large groups of people. Every place I was during 2013 I could and still can reminisce about with a large number of people. And so Europe represents for me a crack in that sharing of life with others that shattered me. I thought I was ready for the solitude but I wasn't. I realized while I was in Uganda how much you can learn about God through community with others and then suddenly I was in a place where that wasn't really a possibility. 

I don't want to complain about Europe. It was an opportunity that not everyone is given and fewer people choose to take... but it was probably a mistake for me. In March I came back to Texas to spend six months with my parents and rebuild my bank account for the fall semester and found myself also rebuilding the part of me that longs for adventure. Thankfully by the end of the summer I was ready to get back out of my comfort zone. It was good. I worked two jobs for most of the summer... by the way after studying abroad and traveling for two months home isn't necessarily the easiest thing to adjust to. Finally, I returned to Trinity for my last semester in Langley. It was good. My roomies were great. The semester was filled with hiking, reunions, seeing my brother quite a bit, and not having to eat sodexo food... though the amount of potatoes I consumed might make some people cringe it seemed great to me!

In writing this I have realized that once again comparison can make things that are great seem like burdens. Many of us compare ourselves to others and that can be overcome. I guess I hadn't realized that comparing our presents to our pasts can be just as detrimental as comparing ourselves to others. I have been caught up in comparing 2014 to 2013 and it has limited my ability to see and appreciate the places I have been and the people I have met this year. 

In conclusion, 2014 has been a truly epic year.

Here's to a 2015 that we can allow to be unique.

I was sent into 2014 with this blessing:

May God, who is present in sunrise and nightfall and in the crossing of the sea, guide your feet as you go. May God, who knows your path and the places were you rest, be with you in your waiting, be your good news for sharing, and lead you in the way that is everlasting.

And so....

May God, who is present in sunrise and nightfall and in the crossing of the sea, guide your feet as you go. May God, who knows your path and the places were you rest, be with you in your waiting, be your good news for sharing, and lead you in the way that is everlasting!

The Trinity Debate

There was a little while where I wanted to not be associated with Trinity because of just this issue. I saw Trinity as perpetuating the stereotype of Christians as haters... but looking back over the past four years I do believe that Trinity has provided me with a thorough education and given me a loving community to call home. I have seen that Trinity influences Canadian politics positively in a way that many institutions cannot. I have seen the way professors at Trinity care about students, the way they have at times taken me under their wings. I have watched my classmates over the past four years and seen them grow into lovely people, people who are capable of thinking for themselves, who are not brainwashed to simply follow the crowd.

I have also watched as people slander Trinity's name, claiming, among other things, that we are simply using our religion as a cover to produce prejudiced people. I am standing here with my eyes wide open and that's not the Trinity I see. I see instead a community that is teaching young Canadians how to love people regardless of who they are or what they believe. I see Trinity as individual students, professors and staff who come every day wanting to learn more about living out the love of Christ.

I know that's not very convincing, but before you join a side, would you please take the time to consider the individuals that make up this community?

We are not perfect, but we are trying.



http://www.economist.com/blogs/erasmus/2014/11/higher-education-gay-rights-and-religion

"You ask, what would I do with them? I would make them virtuous and happy, easy in themselves, and useful to others. Whither would I lead them? To heaven, to God the judge, the lover of all, and to Jesus the mediator of the New Covenant. What religion do I preach? The religion of love. The law of kindness brought to light by the gospel. What is this good for? To make all who receive it enjoy God and themselves, to make them like God, lovers of all, contented in their lives, and crying out at their death, in calm assurance, "O grave where is thy victory! Thanks be to God, who giveth me victory, through my Lord Jesus Christ."

- John Wesley

Unedited Thoughts

There are so many thoughts running through my head right now, I’m learning that this is the hardest part of change. It’s the days and weeks after the initial change has been made. The days after the initial excitement is worn off, the days before new friends are made. The in-between days that feel like they shouldn’t be in-between. These feelings never lasts for long but I have felt throughout this day a longing to be known. I don’t want to continue standing in the in-between. 

I wish I could fast-forward or rewind because this type of loneliness is daunting. It’s a loneliness that I don’t want. At home I am often alone but it is different. Here I find that the loneliness is largely unwanted and often stems out of jealousy. I see what other people are doing and I want to be them. I don’t want to have just one other life. I want the good and social parts of everybody else’s lives. And it doesn’t work that way. I wouldn’t have the energy for that many relationships, nor the empathy/heart and having time to think these thoughts is so important in the early stages of relationships. 

Maybe I shouldn’t over-evaluate every interaction I have with everyone but I have seen the most growth in my own personality and relationships occur throughout the early stages of relationships in a way that often doesn’t continue after months together. This is the stage where people are easy to appreciate, the stage where I barely think to get mad because I don’t know anyone well enough to be angry at them. There are aspects of this stage that, if they could be drawn out in the future of the same relationships would bring so much room for growth. I yearn for these relationships. Yes, there is something deeply beautiful about seeing where people are broken, but you can’t see the brokenness without having to deal with it. That dealing with it part is hard.

It’s been a long time since I have witnessed someone turn their life around. I long to see that because change in one person gives me hope for change in others… hope for the people I met in the DTES during my first two years, hope for my friends and family members and hope for myself. But even when I don’t see it I know that we are each capable of growing and changing and becoming better at living. We are not like the water stuck at the edge of the waterfall, stagnant and growing more algae-filled by the day. We can be like the water pouring over the edge. It’s split apart and beaten against the rocks but in the end it actually gets someplace. The journey is hard but the destination is worth the fight. With every day on the road we become stronger. We become more able to handle the loneliness and more able to love. We don’t have to become calloused and close-minded. There is always more than one way to react to any given situation. 

When I find myself alone and longing to be with people I can curl up in a ball and cry or I can grab my bible/homework and make the most of it. I am here for a reason and I want to be able to sink into the silence while it lasts and not think of the future. I want to be present here even if that means spending hours on end alone… or even if it means never being home. Even if it means long and awkward hours spent at school between classes. 

I want to live my own life, I don’t want to yearn for another life.