Atmosphere (UB#2)

I realized earlier today that I needed to get out, to leave the confines of my small dorm room and spend some time alone, and so I resignedly leave my dorm room, knowing it is what I need to do, but somewhat unprepared to face the outside world. Within a minute of leaving my room I realize I have snuck up on the two girls walking in front of me. The pace of life here is slower; a walk across campus is something to be enjoyed. I slow my pace a bit late as the girls look back, probably wondering why I’m so close to them, but I’m thankful for the reminder to relax. As I walk I carefully avoid puddles filled from the afternoon rain shower that forced earlier chapelgoers to pack tightly together under a small overhang in order to avoid the fury of the rain. I eventually find a staircase overlooking campus and take a seat. The stress falls away as I sit under a beam of sunlight so strong it is forcing me to fall in love with the shade. The gentle breeze carries the smells of the city up from Lake Victoria and mingles those scents with the smoke pouring from the dining hall where enough rice is being cooked to feed thousands of students. I sit there for some time just taking in the sites and smells.

Andrew commented yesterday that my time here will shape who I am. And this is so true. It already has. I have learned to have patience. Cross-cultural relationships should not be rushed any more than I would rush into relationships with my peers at trinity. I have learned that I must have patience with myself as I remember to get enough sleep and to embrace the precious little alone time I get here. Uganda is a beautiful country, but it is also very different from anything I have ever known and for this reason I must embrace the emotions I have felt since being here and accept that this is not easy. There will be times when I must allow the tears welling up inside to pour out, but for now I must daily let it be my prayer that through this I might learn, I might grow, and I might be changed for the better, rather than for the worse. To God be the glory. 

(The entrance to campus... known as the main gate)

Uganda Studies Program. Blog #1. 

This has been an amazing experience so far. After a few days of orientation in Uganda we bused over to Rwanda for about a week. While in Rwanda we stayed at two convents, participated in a monthly mandatory national work day, and visited art museums, micro-finance groups, and genocide memorials. It was an extremely informational and emotional trip, and I am astounded by the amount of pain the Rwandese have experienced and the beauty that has grown out of such deeply rooted pain. One of the things that astounded me the most was the reality of how recently the terrible events came to an end in Rwanda. There are people my age in Rwanda that have memories of watching their families gruesomely chopped to death. There is no escaping the affect this has on the emotional and spiritual health of the Rwandese. It was almost hard to feel anything at all while hearing such raw stories because no pain felt great enough to do justice to reality. (I think I could go on about this trip for a long time..).

We spent a couple days debriefing our trip on an island at beautiful Lake Bunyonyi, the third deepest lake in the world. I don't think there could be a more relaxing place to debrief from the issues we faced in Rwanda. It was a beautiful weekend spent swimming, stargazing, worshipping, and eating. The eating part was actually ridiculous... one should not try to eat multiple quesadillas, guacamole, and salsa followed by crepes with chocolate after being on a rice and beans diet for a couple weeks. It just doesn't end well. Anyway, we had our last hot showers for who knows how long and then hopped on the bus (but first the boat) for the long ride back to campus.

Today was our first day of classes and it's just plain old beautiful to finally be able to establish some sort of routine. I wish I could say I haven't experienced culture shock... but I definitely have. This is not a short trip and therefore issues that come up now need to be dealt with. now. I am definitely finding comfort in the fact that God is God to all nations and I know I share this huge part of my identity with many of my peers here. This evening I found myself attending community worship... or fellowship as they call it. Man. These people know how to worship freely. And the speakers here. So direct. There's no tiptoeing around. It's great. 

I think that pretty well summarizes my life since August 25th. I can't wait to become more comfortable in this community, and to hopefully move beyond being overwhelmed by little things like laundry.

Working Holiday

I’ve been here just over two week. Here is Banff, Alberta, Canada. I worked here last summer, and as touristy as this place is, when I hopped off the bus here two weeks ago it felt like coming home. Unlike last summer I already had friends here, people I knew, people who knew me. I love seeing new places and experiencing things for the first time but I’m slowly realizing that I love the feeling of knowing where I am and what I’m doing. Coming back to Banff was the perfect combination of new and old, I was comfortable enough to walk down the street as a local but I was simultaneously able to experience this place like it was brand new. Working here means meeting and befriending people from all over the world. I’m fairly certain that I served over 150 ice cream cones to people from at least 20 different countries today, all within the space of 2 hours (side note: I’ve come up with a hypothesis having to do with ice cream and world peace). Needless to say, the past two weeks have flown by… working 10 hour shifts without any days off, hiking, and sleeping as much as possible can do that to the time. There were definitely a few hard days at first. Instantaneously befriending 15+ people with whom you spend almost 100% of your time can be difficult. All this to say, I can’t help but be thankful for all the opportunities I’ve had and the plans I’m able to make. I’m hoping to find some good wifi tomorrow so I can buy my tickets for Uganda/Europe tomorrow. Yep. Ticket buying. It’s big. Anyway… this wasn’t meant to be a lame life update… so I’m gonna go now.

A Collection of Quotes

There is something incredibly about finding out that you've shared a thought with another person. I've experienced this in moments shared with close friends when you can look at each other know that you're laughing at the same thing that nobody else gets. I've also experienced this in words beautifully written. Over the past year(ish) I've been collecting quotes. Some of these quotes stuck out to me because the author was able to write an exact thought I had... or at least the eloquent version of that thought. Other quotes are summarized versions of what a I've learned from a book or random blog. Anyway, I came across a quote today and thought, hey, I should add this to my list... and while I'm at it I should share some of these quotes with some friends. So here is a small collection of random and hopefully thought-provoking quotes that mean or have meant something to me.

"What we need is a relentless appetite for the divine. We need a holy ravenousness. Our craving souls can turn and become enthralled by a goodness that is found in the presence of an all-glorious God. There is only one infinite source of satisfaction that can satisfy our bottomless cravings... every finite pleasure and satisfaction is meant to point us toward the infinite pleasure and satisfaction of God. My admiration for a sunset, then, need not stop at that horizon, rather it can curve upward into praise and gratitude.... we need to taste daily, deeply and constantly of the goodness of God. So let us turn together, and feast rightly." - Jason Todd

“The Bible is basically a story about God. When we turn to the Bible as a self-help book, we end up bored or frustrated with what seems to be a rambling collection of stories. What if the Bible is more about God than it is about us? How thrilling to discover that every element of scripture—the reports of events, the verses of distilled wisdom, the lyrical prophecies—converge in one central saga of one worthy person.” - Steven C. Hawthorne

My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?” - C.S. Lewis 

"No one wants to be the person who is made fun of for caring too much about something, who treats in earnest a situation that everyone else considers absurd. Even in personal relationships, feeling too heavily invested while simultaneously understanding that the other person couldn’t be more detached is one of the most profound feelings of embarrassment we can experience. Because it isn’t simply the embarrassment of making a mistake or a poor choice, it’s a shame over the kind of human being you are and how you see the world around you. To be shamed for your sincerity is to be reminded that you are dependent on something which is not dependent on you — that you are, once again, vulnerable."

- Chelsea Fagan

“Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.” - Marc Hack 

“
Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness.” - Janet Fitch

"Hiking - I don’t like either the word or the thing. People ought to saunter in the mountains - not hike! Do you know the origin of that word ‘saunter?’ It’s a beautiful word. Away back in the Middle Ages people used to go on pilgrimages to the Holy Land, and when people in the villages through which they passed asked where they were going, they would reply, “A la sainte terre,’ ‘To the Holy Land.’ And so they became known as sainte-terre-ers or saunterers. Now these mountains are our Holy Land, and we ought to saunter through them reverently, not ‘hike’ through them." - Unknown

"Do not ever, ever, ever think of asking people what you’re not already trying to do yourself. You can blog and preach and soapbox about whatever you want, but legit historical figures actually rolled up their sleeves and lived it out and let their life do the talking for them. It doesn’t matter how sloppy you pursue it: just do something. We don’t need another basement blogger or pretentious preacher. We need game-changers. Words about love sound pretty; actually loving people is messy. Be part of the mess."

 - J.S. Park 

"To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing, and used-to-be-believing friends; I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been us, Christians. Christians who have had so much to say with our mouths and so much judgement to give, but so littel foregiveness to show. Christians carrying grudges on their backs, rather than the cross of salvation. I am sorry that so often we have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity... Forgive me, forgive us."-Shane Claiborne

"Any woman who shaves to please you and asks you not to shave to please her is a keeper, straight up. Marry her, have beard loving children, and make the world a better place." - The Love of Beard

"It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed is you."- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Ugly is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. A matter of taste, a whim, an eye, a beholder, an opinion, a spin, light crossing the frame, paint, projection. The moment. Context."

- Margaret Cho 

"You stand by the sea coast, you stand by the edge of the grand canyon, you stand with your eye to a telescope, you stand there and you find your soul drawn OUT of yourself and for a brief moment you are free from self-consciousness and self-absorption and it is the most fully satisfying deep wonderful moment"- John Piper

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Summer Thoughts

I want inspiration to strike.

Why is it that so many things are easier to do as procrastination during the busiest time in the semester? Now it’s summer, wedding decorations and the occasional meet up with friends have been the only things occupying my time for the past week, and I’ve wasted so much time. Some people might call it relaxing, but honestly, it’s not. I’ve cooked, baked, and crafted (whatever that means) enough for domestic elyce to be content for at least another two months. Not to say that all that stuff is a complete waste, I mean, there’s definitely a time for cooking, baking and crafting (and I’ve definitely succeeded in helping fatten up a few people… myself included). I just know that as soon as I start working again I’ll realize exactly how I should have spent this time. Oh well, I guess for now I can be content with soaking up the sun and eating some more Mexican food.

… and maybe I’ll also do a couple of the things I know I should be doing but have completely avoided because I don’t even want to admit to myself that I should be doing them…

friends, tacos, the open road, and outdoor concerts :)

ending thoughts

The school year is coming to an end. I’m frantically trying to fit as much into my last 12 days as possible. No, studying does not come first, people do. I am at the stage in the school year where suddenly I have the courage to talk to those people I’ve never talked to before but always wanted to know. 12 days and counting and I just want to know everyone. I want to soak up their life experiences and carry their joy with me. 

There’s a feeling of pandemonium to these last days. 12 days to rule the world? Nope. Just twelve days to soak in as much as is physically possible of Trinity’s amazing community. Yeah, I’ve complained a bit this year, and no, I don’t want to come back next year, but somehow I’m still feeling like leaving here is probably going to be the saddest thing I’ve ever done. Of course, leaving to come here out of high school was also pretty hard… but it felt exciting. This just feels sad. I would like to think that the people I’ve bonded with here I will stay connected with for the rest of life, that they’ll be there when I get married, when I have my first kid, when something tragic happens or I have a midlife crisis. (It is possible considering we have created a pretty thorough plan for a utopia in which we all live on the same street and our kids go to school together). 

Maybe I will still know them, but most likely all they’ll be are hazy photos on a long-abandoned fb page or half-forgotten memories that take a very heavy dose of college nostalgia to bring up. They’ve changed how I think and brought(dragged?) me closer to God. I could never be thankful enough for the year or two I’ve had with these people. 

May I see them all again one day.

(phone pic taken as the sun was sneaking up on me)

(sorry for the terrible grammar and incomplete thoughts… this was written as a quick break from life)